Live and Let Live; Love Others and Love Yourself

Sometimes we can’t help but meddle in other people’s lives. We want the best for them, whether our advice or opinions may be for better or worse, but sometimes we have to learn to distinguish between what is our “problem” and what is someone else’s “problem”. Sometimes we have difficulty determining whose problem it is and we take it upon ourselves. Other times we need to walk away and let problems be sorted out by others. Seeing others suffer can be hard, but we have to determine whether we can help, if should help, to wish them well, or pray for them and turn our attention to being compassionately supportive. 

The mountain does not worry, just as the cherry blossom does not worry if the rain will fall or not or if the sun will shine today. It just is what it is and does what it does.

Perhaps being compassionate doesn’t mean we must actively do something if it would create more problems. Sometimes we have to let others make mistakes in order to allow them to learn from their mistakes. But, when we or others make mistakes, we need to be compassionate and forgiving towards ourselves and others.

Sometimes people ask us for help to problems that we can’t do anything about. How frustrating to not be able to help when we want to! Then we suffer also. Such is samsara. If we are able to help someone solve a problem, then there is no need to worry because there is a solution. If there is nothing we can do about something, then worrying won’t solve the problem, but only make us suffer worse. What then is the purpose of worrying?

As Thich Nhat Hanh has written, we must take care of ourselves in order to be able to take care of others. If we are not well cared for, then we won’t be able to care for others. Showing love for our wellbeing allows us to cultivate love towards others.

You can explore the universe, looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere. – Shakyamuni Buddha

This quote pictured above may be profound and may sound contradictory to the concepts of metta and compassion. But, like all things in Buddhism, it starts with us as individuals. We value our lives generally above all else, like all other living beings that desire life and freedom from suffering.

As Bodhisattvas, we take on the suffering of others to relieve them of suffering. But, as humans we can’t do everything as one individual. Sometimes people don’t want to be helped, some don’t know how to be helped and we are forced to watch them suffer. That is where prayer comes in. Prayer is a commonality in all religions and allows us to bring well wishes and find peace and solace in ourselves.

Whether you use mala beads, prayer wheels or just sitting with folded hands, prayer can be a powerful tool.

I suppose my idea is that we must learn how much suffering we are prepared and capable of taking upon ourselves so that we do not become overwhelmed with the suffering of others, which will make it unbearable to tolerate. If we become sick with the burdens of other people, then we are not capable of taking care of ourselves, our families and friends that depend on us. It may sound contradictory but this too is metta – not out of selfishness but of desire to be able to help in the future.

It’s hard to admit when you can’t help someone or resolve something, but we can gain wisdom from it. We need to live and let live. Do what we can to help if we can, and if we can’t, then at least do no harm. Until we are all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, we will need to seek guidance from the Buddha and Bodhisattvas to help where we can’t.

Namaste.

Peace, Metta, Compassion for you and yours.

Becoming Attached To Samsara is Not Our Purpose

 

As beautiful as this cherry blossom is, it is impermanent and so are we.

 

Have you become “comfortably numb”? Are you happy with just how the way things are? Maybe you would like things to be different or better? No matter what, things will change. That is impermanence. But, no matter how good things are now, that is not the purpose of life. I will admit that I am attached to the good things in my life and if I do not change that mentality, I will remain attached and suffer when they change.The good things in life take our minds off the bad things in life. Friends, family, a good job, a nice car, a nice house, good food, pets, music, movies, these all make life enjoyable – no argument there. Without them, life would be pretty boring if we didn’t have things to look forward to in order to take our minds off the things that create suffering. But, no matter how distracting these things are, suffering remains. Friends move away, your nice car breaks down, food is eaten and gone, movies end and then you are back where you were at the beginning. So you look for the next distraction and there always is another.

Coming to this realisation doesn’t mean that you must neglect the finer things in life, but realise that they are not true sources of happiness – just part of the suffering of change. If you become too attached to these things, you will never want to leave samsara. That in itself is a scary thought to admit, because up to this point that is all we have ever known. But, as good as things may be in this life, there is no guarantee that they will remain that good in this life or the next. Now that we have the opportunity to practise, isn’t now a good time to start?

 

“A little statue of Buddha.” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We may or may not attain full enlightenment in this life, although all of us are able to, because as laypersons, daily life takes up a majority of our energy and time just to survive and provide for our families. But, in a bodhisattva kind of way that is important to; to be a contributing member of society and to take care of other people. We may not want to leave this world in this life or the next, but we can try to prepare ourselves for the next by leaving kindness in this life. Love makes the world go round. Kindness is remembered just as much as unkindness, but can make a much more lasting impression.

 

In everything, we have a choice. Whether we like the choices or not, whether we agree with the choices or not, or whether we want to choose or not. We can chose to stay in samsara in ignorance, we can chose to leave samsara and devote to attaining enlightenment, or we can chose to remain in samsara – mindfully on a bodhisattva path and use every opportunity in samsara to make life more enjoyable, peaceful, kind, loving and free of suffering for everyone. In any case, we should remain happy despite everything.

 We mustn’t become too attached to what we already have or what we want. The purpose of life is to be happy, but the goal is enlightenment and nirvana. Never lose sight of the moon.

 

SEX! Now That I Have Your Attention, Let’s Talk About Buddhism…

 

the five precepts (Photo credit: rubber bullets)

In the Pali texts, number 3 of the 5 Precepts is “I undertake the training rule to abstain from sexual misconduct.” In our modern world today, that can mean a lot. From my readings and interpretation, like all of Buddhas teaching which have been open to interpretation and therefore there are different branches of Buddhism like there are different branches of Christianity, is that this precept speaks of love and to not use (or misuse) sex in an abusive way.

Monks and nuns in Buddhist tradition abstain from relations to focus their attention on spirituality and cultivating boddhicchita, for the better of themselves and other sentient beings. Buddha made that a rule, because family needs would interfere with the monks’ or nuns’ journey and at that time would put strain on the sangha. But, then Buddha and the sangha realised that more and more laypersons wanted to practise and from it the rule of abstinence was amended to include laypersons but those that have or want to have families.

Unlike Christianity, that preaches that premarital sex is not allowed, Buddhism (from what I have read) does not mention marriage as a prerequisite to sex, but that you should be considered in a long term relationship or at least have the commitment and out of love. (Please correct me if there is another interpretation.) Relationships based on sex won’t last, and if there is not love and compassion, then that would be considered misconduct.

When it comes to this precept in your own life, think how your actions will affect the other person and yourself. Like all the other precepts, think how it will affect others. You may not see it at the moment, but as humans we can think ahead to the consequences of our actions. Some people may lack this (if you’ve ever wonder what other people were thinking when they did something), but meditation can bring insight into your own actions and other people’s. We must think before we act! And if you don’t know the right action, it may be better to not do anything at all than to make things worse.

Peace. Love. Buddha. Namaste.