Live and Let Live; Love Others and Love Yourself

Sometimes we can’t help but meddle in other people’s lives. We want the best for them, whether our advice or opinions may be for better or worse, but sometimes we have to learn to distinguish between what is our “problem” and what is someone else’s “problem”. Sometimes we have difficulty determining whose problem it is and we take it upon ourselves. Other times we need to walk away and let problems be sorted out by others. Seeing others suffer can be hard, but we have to determine whether we can help, if should help, to wish them well, or pray for them and turn our attention to being compassionately supportive. 

The mountain does not worry, just as the cherry blossom does not worry if the rain will fall or not or if the sun will shine today. It just is what it is and does what it does.

Perhaps being compassionate doesn’t mean we must actively do something if it would create more problems. Sometimes we have to let others make mistakes in order to allow them to learn from their mistakes. But, when we or others make mistakes, we need to be compassionate and forgiving towards ourselves and others.

Sometimes people ask us for help to problems that we can’t do anything about. How frustrating to not be able to help when we want to! Then we suffer also. Such is samsara. If we are able to help someone solve a problem, then there is no need to worry because there is a solution. If there is nothing we can do about something, then worrying won’t solve the problem, but only make us suffer worse. What then is the purpose of worrying?

As Thich Nhat Hanh has written, we must take care of ourselves in order to be able to take care of others. If we are not well cared for, then we won’t be able to care for others. Showing love for our wellbeing allows us to cultivate love towards others.

You can explore the universe, looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere. – Shakyamuni Buddha

This quote pictured above may be profound and may sound contradictory to the concepts of metta and compassion. But, like all things in Buddhism, it starts with us as individuals. We value our lives generally above all else, like all other living beings that desire life and freedom from suffering.

As Bodhisattvas, we take on the suffering of others to relieve them of suffering. But, as humans we can’t do everything as one individual. Sometimes people don’t want to be helped, some don’t know how to be helped and we are forced to watch them suffer. That is where prayer comes in. Prayer is a commonality in all religions and allows us to bring well wishes and find peace and solace in ourselves.

Whether you use mala beads, prayer wheels or just sitting with folded hands, prayer can be a powerful tool.

I suppose my idea is that we must learn how much suffering we are prepared and capable of taking upon ourselves so that we do not become overwhelmed with the suffering of others, which will make it unbearable to tolerate. If we become sick with the burdens of other people, then we are not capable of taking care of ourselves, our families and friends that depend on us. It may sound contradictory but this too is metta – not out of selfishness but of desire to be able to help in the future.

It’s hard to admit when you can’t help someone or resolve something, but we can gain wisdom from it. We need to live and let live. Do what we can to help if we can, and if we can’t, then at least do no harm. Until we are all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, we will need to seek guidance from the Buddha and Bodhisattvas to help where we can’t.

Namaste.

Peace, Metta, Compassion for you and yours.

What Buddha Has Taught Me

How many days do we let go by mindlessly?  

We say we don’t have time for everyone. But do we make time for those that we should?

Do we waste time obsessing and being upset over things that are impermanent?

 

Appreciating finer things…

 

As Thich Nhat Hanh writes in his book, “Happiness”, we do not suffer because things are impermanent. We suffer because things are impermanent and we don’t realise it. If we are upset about something today, if we think about what would happen in 100 or 300 years, will it really matter then? It puts into perspective impermanence.

Thich Nhat Hanh (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The most important aspects I take from Buddhism are desire to be free of suffering, impermanence, loving kindness (metta) and compassion. These make a firm foundation to build on. Everyone wants happiness and not to suffer. This is true. But, some people think that there are some individuals who seem happier when they are suffering; people that create misery and drama for themselves. Everyone at one time or another has met someone like that. I think that stems from ignorance and attachment of self; if they are in the middle of the drama, to them it solidifies their sense of self or importance. If you remove the sense of self, there is not importance of self. If you apply impermanence to “drama”, then the problem seems insignificant and will pass like a thunderstorm.

Cookie Fortunes

Impermanence is a reality whether we accept it or not. Loving kindness and compassion are qualities that are admired and so very much needed in our world, society and families. These qualities are in our basic nature, but need to be extended to those that we are not familiar with and avoid becoming indifferent to people to whom we have no specific benefit from or closeness.

Buddhism has helped me to realise what’s important, what’s impermanent, what I need to work on and what needs to be done. It is philosophy and spirituality. It takes away the usual sense of pity or anger we have on ourselves when things don’t go our way or when misfortune happens.

The Great Buddha statue, Kōtoku Temple, Kamakura, Japan (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Be happy. The rest will fall in its place.

To Not Suffer Is Happiness In Itself

English: Guanyin is the bodhisattva associated with compassion. Español: Guanyin, también llamado Guanshiyin, es Bodhisattva principal en el budismo chino. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When we are suffering or in pain, we think how wonderful it would be if it wasn’t like that. We wait until we are hurting in order to appreciate when we are not in pain. The pain in my back disappeared for almost two weeks, and was very minimal these past few weeks, and I thought it was finally gone as long as I was careful and did not over exert myself. However, the pain has come back and I continue to try to find over the counter pain relievers that will work. I try not to complain about it as much, because it is the same story and doesn’t change much.

These past four days have been hard to deal with due to my back, and some hours are worse than others. After a long day at work today, I was happy to go home by taking the bus. I enjoy sitting on the bus to go home, I don’t have to worry about concentrating on driving and can relax. It felt good to sit after walking to the bus stop from work and was happy to get a bus quickly. The simplest things in life can be so sweet.

As I sat on the bus listening to music on my iPod, I noticed a girl about my age and then realised she had a cane because she was blind. It put into perspective the suffering that I endure is impermanent, like all suffering, (in the least we hope it will go away sooner than later), but that the suffering of others is greater than my own. The girl on the bus may not feel that her blindness is suffering, because she may have become accustomed to it, perhaps even more enduring with her struggles than I deal with mine. It makes us realise that no matter what our suffering is, others suffer in different ways, but it’s how we deal with it that matters most.

My pain is more of a frustration, because the cause and solution is not known. But, there are others whose suffering is greater; the cause may be known, yet the solution not known. When you’re not hurting emotionally or physically, smile. Recognise it. It feels good to not hurt, so don’t wait until you hurt to wish that you weren’t. When pain goes away, be relieved and happy, because we don’t know when it will happen again for certain, so be happy in the moment of being pain-free.

When we have the suffering of change, the temporary cessation of suffering in our lives, no matter how small or short it may be, we need to recognise it and be grateful for it. It should make us want to attain it permanently in this impermanent world, that being nirvana. If we don’t seek it, we will only be living for the temporary cessations in samsara, which never lasts as long as we want to.

I added the image of Guanyin, which a statue I just bought of her for my home. Guanyin is the female form of the bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara, associated with compassion. As Guanyin/Avalokiteshvara has compassion for our suffering, we need to turn our compassion to the suffering of others. If we become so consumed by our own suffering, we neglect the suffering of others when we focus on ourselves which in any case lack of any inherent existance. If we think of others, when we are in the midst of suffering, it can lessen our burden because we’re not focused on our own problems. Guanyin will hear our cries and help us, but we must in turn help others.  Together, we all help each other.

Namaste.

Becoming Attached To Samsara is Not Our Purpose

 

As beautiful as this cherry blossom is, it is impermanent and so are we.

 

Have you become “comfortably numb”? Are you happy with just how the way things are? Maybe you would like things to be different or better? No matter what, things will change. That is impermanence. But, no matter how good things are now, that is not the purpose of life. I will admit that I am attached to the good things in my life and if I do not change that mentality, I will remain attached and suffer when they change.The good things in life take our minds off the bad things in life. Friends, family, a good job, a nice car, a nice house, good food, pets, music, movies, these all make life enjoyable – no argument there. Without them, life would be pretty boring if we didn’t have things to look forward to in order to take our minds off the things that create suffering. But, no matter how distracting these things are, suffering remains. Friends move away, your nice car breaks down, food is eaten and gone, movies end and then you are back where you were at the beginning. So you look for the next distraction and there always is another.

Coming to this realisation doesn’t mean that you must neglect the finer things in life, but realise that they are not true sources of happiness – just part of the suffering of change. If you become too attached to these things, you will never want to leave samsara. That in itself is a scary thought to admit, because up to this point that is all we have ever known. But, as good as things may be in this life, there is no guarantee that they will remain that good in this life or the next. Now that we have the opportunity to practise, isn’t now a good time to start?

 

“A little statue of Buddha.” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We may or may not attain full enlightenment in this life, although all of us are able to, because as laypersons, daily life takes up a majority of our energy and time just to survive and provide for our families. But, in a bodhisattva kind of way that is important to; to be a contributing member of society and to take care of other people. We may not want to leave this world in this life or the next, but we can try to prepare ourselves for the next by leaving kindness in this life. Love makes the world go round. Kindness is remembered just as much as unkindness, but can make a much more lasting impression.

 

In everything, we have a choice. Whether we like the choices or not, whether we agree with the choices or not, or whether we want to choose or not. We can chose to stay in samsara in ignorance, we can chose to leave samsara and devote to attaining enlightenment, or we can chose to remain in samsara – mindfully on a bodhisattva path and use every opportunity in samsara to make life more enjoyable, peaceful, kind, loving and free of suffering for everyone. In any case, we should remain happy despite everything.

 We mustn’t become too attached to what we already have or what we want. The purpose of life is to be happy, but the goal is enlightenment and nirvana. Never lose sight of the moon.

 

And It’s Been A While…

It’s been quite some time since I have written here, yet not much has changed. I have still been enduring pain in both joints and muscles that vary from day to day. I’ve been to a doctor at least four times, twice at the hospital, and no one can say what it is. I’ve been referred to a rheumatologist who will likely do more tests. In the meantime acetaminophen is my daily defense, which sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t work. 

 

It’s easy to say it’s due to karma and maybe it is. It’ hard to think in those terms when you’re going through hard times, but it makes things easier to understand. Everything undergoes change and nothing is permanent. It’s sometimes relieving to think along those terms, that there will be better days, but when there are good days, we don’t want those to end. That’s because everyone wants happiness and not to suffer.

And although I hurt every day, some days more than other days, I can’t let it stop me. There have been days that I’ve been very depressed, but I kept going. We mustn’t always think what has been done, only what is left to be done.

Many of us face adversity, but we must keep going. Anyone’s karma can change – let’s hope for the better.

Are you happy?

 

It’s been a pretty busy week at work with only four out of six of us in my department this week. Every day we have question periods, where we can get help on our tasks. Everyone in my department has tasks assigned to them, we all help each other with our knowledge and experience in each area, and each of us come across something every day that we haven’t seen before and from it we learn and grow. Everyone else had something time consuming to do and had several questions to ask and get help with. When someone came to ask me if I needed assistance with anything, I simply replied, “Compared to everyone else, my problems seem small.”

After I said that, I realised it was a pearl of wisdom. No matter how big our problems may be, they may be very small in comparison to other people’s problems. Thinking along these terms can lessen our suffering and make us realise that although we may feel we are singled out to endure this suffering, we are not alone and that everyone suffers to some degree.

When you put things into perspective that things can be worse than they are, do you realise the pleasurable aspects in your life? Do you take the moment to enjoy the finer things that bring joy despite adversity? You may not think of these things while under stress, but if you can take a break from work or studies and think of something happy or funny it can change your mood, attitude and outlook. Meditation does this too. If you train your mind to be still or shift your thinking, you can lessen your suffering – or as in layman’s terms handle suffering better to be more bearable and eventually to be free from it altogether, i.e. nirvana (nibbana).

Ask yourself often if you are happy. If not, do you not want to change that? What can you do with your options? If you need to do some searching for your happiness, meditate. You may feel your unhappy circumstances may be due to your karma, but remember that karma means “action” – something can be done about it! You are in charge of your fate and always have been.

As the song goes, this would make a pretty good Buddhist “modern” mantra:

Don’t worry, be happy.

Upward Dog

This weekend hasn’t been the most fortunate, despite having a fortunate life. When you’re healthy, you don’t realise how good you have it until something goes wrong. When that happens, you can start to count your blessings in the other areas in which things are still good. The Dalai Lama has said that one Buddhist philosophy is that when you experience suffering, it’s better to “deal with it now” as a fruition of your past karma and therefore you have “cleaned the slate” so to speak. Another is to see it as taking your suffering as the sufferings of others to ease your own discomfort. I have tried these techniques and philosophies to ease my mild suffering that I have endured these past few days. Although, my suffering is trivial in comparison to the sufferings of many sentient beings at home and abroad, but all suffering is suffering no matter how large or small. To live is to suffer and no matter how we try to live an ahimsa lifestyle, there is suffering in everything. But, there is hope, love and compassion that can counteract this suffering and make life more tolerable and makes it worthwhile.

If every day, each of us tries to do an act or two of kindness or at least choose not to harm, can we imagine a world different from what it is today? Change can be small and it starts with each of ourselves.

This post was originally titled “Downward Dog”, but it was changed to “Upward Dog” because we should be looking up and forward to the future and how we can affect it.

As I sit here watching my pug snoring away and my back aching as it has been for the past four days, although I’m suffering, I wouldn’t change my life to alleviate my pain. Happiness is realising you’re happy and not wanting more. Happiness is love and wanting to give more.